Quavor

"The pain had been too pleasurable, the pleasure too painful; so that I feared that in time my mind would no longer be the thing I knew."

-Gene Wolfe- (Shadow & Claw)

"The world just seems to be on wheels ------ going so fast I can't see the spokes ---- and I like it." -Georgia O'Keefe-

There was a panic once in the very back of my mind. A small shadow that would only grow large in dreams, leaving me gasping for air and wild eyed awake. A whispering shadow, madder still that the character Mr. Depp plays in "Alice And Wonderland". A whisperer of feeling not words. How can a seventeen year old have anxieties about how time is so fleeting and would be gone, he would be old and it would all be over? There wouldn't ever be enough time to do what I wanted to do, I was getting old way to fast way to quick! I think I was a lot older then, then I am now. I look at old photos, friends have sent me, and I see old troubled eyes. The world was a heavy burden then. Emotions are real and have wait, they ether propel you or sink you like a rock.

My life is busy now, busy with the swirling of my imagination and dreams. I have even gotten over being worried that my dreams might not come true. A dream in itself has a equilibrium and a thrust, you don't always end up were you think it will take you but believe me it is alway interesting! I think dreams are kind of like hot air balloons, you can kind of guide them but don't think you are going to land the f*^%$cker on a dime!!! Oh I have my anxieties and at times it is a battle to keep a level head. Jesus said "True love casts out all fear" and that "My burden is light and my yoke isn't heavy." He was always getting at something deeper, down there in the bowels of your psyche. The question isn't one we want to answer, it isn't one that we really want to look at. A passing glance is just fine, a complaint here and a grumble there should do it. Yet do we really want to look at the real reason we refuse a light burden over a heavy one? Lets admit it: we like our heavy burdens, we like our fears, for then what would be left to talk about? The wether? Could we get off the ground with the buoy up of our dreams, with out panicking and letting all the air out just so we feel in control? We can't take heavy burdens with us, they are thoughts that anchor our craft to the ground. Be warned though, that emptiness you feel with out them will frighten you. You will feel godless........

Slingshotting my self into my work, panicked that for some reason not one piece would be worth a fart in the breeze and pushing on!!! Somehow it comes together when you are willing to just let it go.